A few years ago, I started working with a senior leader who came to coaching with a clear agenda. He handed me a list, literally, a typed document of the things he wanted to "fix" about himself. His communication style. His tendency to micromanage. His a reputation for being difficult to work with.

"How long will this take?" he asked. "I'm thinking maybe six sessions?"

I knew right then we had a problem. Not with his goals, as those were legitimate. The problem was his belief that coaching was something I would do to him, rather than something we would do together.

He wanted to be fixed. And he expected me to be the mechanic.

The Seductive Appeal of Delegation

I understand the impulse. These are busy people. They're used to delegating. When their computer breaks, they hand it to IT. When they need a legal opinion, they hire a lawyer. When they want to get in shape, they hire a personal trainer.

So when they realise they need to develop as a leader, why wouldn't they hire a coach to... coach them? It seems logical.

But here's what I've learned: You can delegate tasks. You cannot delegate transformation.

Coaching isn't something I do to you. It's something we do together, with you doing the majority of the work. I can create the space, ask the questions, hold you accountable, and challenge your thinking. But I cannot do your thinking for you. I cannot have your difficult conversations. I cannot change your behaviour.

Only you can do that.

The Will Stage That Everyone Wants to Skip

In the GROW model, the final stage, Will, or the Way Forward, is where the real commitment happens. This is where we move from insight to action. Where we identify specific steps, timelines, and accountability measures.

This is also the stage where I see clients get uncomfortable.

Because suddenly it's clear that they have to do something. They have to have that conversation with their team. They have to practice the new behaviour. They have to sit with the discomfort of changing patterns they've relied on for years.

And this is where the "fix me" mentality breaks down. Because I can't do any of that for them.

I've had clients who enthusiastically engage in our sessions, generate brilliant insights, acknowledge exactly what needs to change, and then do nothing. They show up to the next session with the same patterns, the same complaints, the same stuck-ness.

When I gently point this out, they often look surprised. "But we talked about it," they say. As if talking about change is the same as changing.

The Coaching Contract Nobody Wants to Sign

Early in my coaching practice, I used to soft-pedal this reality. I didn't want to seem harsh or unsupportive. I wanted to meet clients where they were.

Now I'm more direct. Usually, in our first or second session, I'll say something like this:

"My job is to create space for you to think deeply, to ask questions that surface what you're not seeing, and to hold you accountable to the commitments you make. But I cannot want your growth more than you do. I cannot do the hard work of changing. That's your job. Are you ready for that?"

Some people appreciate the clarity. Some people are taken aback. And some people, I've learned, are not actually ready for coaching. They're ready for something else. Maybe therapy. Maybe consulting. Maybe just someone to listen and validate their frustrations.

All of those are legitimate needs. But they're not coaching.

The Subtle Ways Clients Avoid the Work

The "fix me" mentality shows up in ways that are easy to miss:

• Over-intellectualizing: Spending entire sessions analyzing the problem without ever committing to action

• Bringing new problems every session: Avoiding follow-through on previous commitments by pivoting to something else

• Waiting for permission: "Should I...?" instead of "I'm going to..."

• Seeking reassurance: Needing the coach to validate every decision before moving forward

• Blaming circumstances: "I would have done it, but..." with an endless list of external factors

None of these are intentional sabotage. They're protection mechanisms. Because change is hard. And it's much easier to talk about changing than to actually change.

My job as a coach is to notice these patterns and name them, compassionately but clearly.

What Organisations Need to Understand

If you're investing in coaching for your leaders, you need to know this: The coaching will only be as effective as the client's willingness to do the work.

You can hire the best coach in the world, but if your leader shows up expecting to be fixed, the ROI will be minimal.

This is why I always insist on a three-way conversation at the beginning of any organisational coaching engagement: me, the client, and their sponsor or manager. We need to be crystal clear about what coaching is, what it requires, and what success looks like.

The best coaching clients I've worked with in organisational settings are the ones whose leaders have said: "We're investing in you. This is your time to focus on your development. Use it well." Not: "We hired a coach to fix you."

The framing matters.

When It Clicks

There's a moment in successful coaching relationships when the client stops showing up as a passenger and starts showing up as a driver. They come to sessions with updates on what they tried. They experiment between sessions without waiting for permission. They take ownership of their growth.

That's when coaching accelerates. That's when transformation happens.

But it only happens when they stop waiting to be fixed and start doing the fixing themselves.

The Bottom Line

Coaching is not a service that's done to you. It's a partnership where the coach creates the conditions for growth, but you do the growing.

If you're considering hiring a coach, or being coached, ask yourself: Am I ready to do the work? Am I willing to try things that might not work? Can I tolerate the discomfort of changing deeply ingrained patterns?

If the answer is yes, coaching can be transformative.

If the answer is "I'm not sure, but I'm hoping the coach will help me figure it out," you're probably not ready yet.

And that's okay. But let's be honest about it.

What's been your experience with taking ownership of your own growth? If you've been coached, what helped you move from "fix me" to "I'm ready to do this"?